Category: This Just In…

It was “Big Lebowski” if you were curious

First of all, portrait of an outside sales representative. “Hollywood” Hale films his outside rep video introduction as Adam fights the urge to strangle him. Same old Andy…

(Garrison Keillor-ish voice over)

“Well, it’s been an exciting week at Lake Hawleygon. The last pockets of ice and snow have finally melted and the apple cheeked children are back in school reading from their grammar primers in an eerie unison that chills your soul to the bone. Local sausage maker Mister Gargamelli stands on the street corner gesticulating wildly as he screams about the impending killer bee invasion while a befuddled Teenwolf learns the importance of eating with your mouth closed. Herds of antelope graze lazily on a grassy hillside overlooking a rendering plant as a mushroom cloud of buffoonery envelopes our state house grounds. Crickets have gained the power of speech. It is a time for bootleg Chinese DVD vendors hawking their wares in Guillotine Square as their helper spider monkeys steal eggs from the local egg cobbler. It also a time of catalogs. Print catalogs. Time-honored monoliths made in honor of the 17,000 parts contained within a giant warehouse deep within the misty moors of Red Bank. We residents of Lake Hawleygon sing the praises of the catalog and because of its publication and release to all good and righteous independent bicycle dealers, a bloodbath-free harvest is guaranteed this Fall.”

Now available with pricing and without. Consult your sales representative or jump online and click on CATL1050 or CATL1055 to order. Just so you’re not too confused, a la Ted Stevens (RIP) in mid-filibuster, the random blurbs you see throughout the catalog are factoids about important events that happened in 1986, the year Hawley was born. For example, see below:

That’s right. Hands Across America. STILL relevant 25 years later! Booyah. The final person in the chain? A pirate with a hook on his left hand.

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I’ve been thinking about Morgan Freeman all day after listening to a podcast where his career was referenced for approximately 2 hours in addition to running into him at Lowe’s this weekend (he was buying a ceiling fan and 6 tons of duct tape, hands covered in blood). That gentleman has quite the list of films to his credit, in addition to his baritone narrator voice that ALSO reminded the Blog of something top secret Adam is ankle deep in right now, but there’ll be more of that in the coming weeks. My top 5 MF flicks in no particular order:

“Deep Impact”

“Dreamcatcher”

“Se7en”

“Chain Reaction”

“Unforgiven”

I know, I know. “Unforgiven” is a stretch but “Dreamcatcher” might just make my top 5 greatest things of all time. That scene where the mentally challenged guy turns into an alien and starts going all sickhouse on that bad alien and Morgan Freeman does the cliché “eye rub of disbelief” and you can just barely make out a gaffer’s head exploding in the background! How can you not pump your fist at that, or as graphics department hefe Julie calls it, a “stand on your chair moment”. Equally head-exploding are the brand spanking new aluminum track frames from our chums at Pake. According to Patrick, these are dealer-friendly priced but with Pista-styled performance, yet with the easy-to-remove decals that Bloggy has come to love. More velodrome-ish but if you need to rock this on campus, it’s drilled for brakes. Dig them beefy drop-outs! Huzzah! A Pake of a darker nature.

Also, as a bit of a warm up to CX Worlds coming up in the near future. Acquaint thyself with these acquaintances.

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Fortune Favors The Brave

Today in the subsection D break room, Brad from the Shipping Department told me Teenwolf (Inside Sales pariah) had been trying to “start some static”. Basically, Brad is an acolyte of the Octagon. Homeboy loves Mixed Martial Arts fighting and the training that accompanies it. He tested the lowest body fat percentage last Spring and could be described as being in cyborgishly optimum shape. Apparently, Teenwolf said that although Brad is in great shape, “ride” shape and “overall” shape are very different and that there isn’t a snowball’s chance Brad could complete the century Teenwolf and his cross country ride stooges were planning for Saturday morning. Brad disagreed vociferously and said that his fitness level would be more than adequate for 100 miles on the bike. This was where I found Brad’s mindset in the break room, ruminating about the possibility of doing a century ride with little to no bike riding in his legs. I went over the pros and cons with him. Pros: he was in good shape and had Teenwolf’s doubt as motivation. Cons? Cramping, saddle sores, fatigue and mental exhaustion. But then I asked him, “When was the last time you really challenged yourself? When was the last time you could look Ole Bloggy in the eye and not feel shame? This could be huge man! Huge I tell you!” as Geoff hovering in the background told him it was a bad idea and that I was mentally deranged. While it is true, that I am mentally deranged, I think this ride will do Brad some good. So what if he’s never ridden in clipless pedals? After the first few falls, his nerves will be steeled against any of the 9 or 10 thousand other dangers that await him on the circuitous lake route. He shall be astride his trusted Soma, which is steel, which won’t crack after one of Tony’s erratic lane shifts sends Brad into a ditch. Basically, Brad must do this ride to beat Teenwolf. It’s not a race, but just finishing it will be some sort of victory he/I can use to taunt Teenwolf for weeks to come until our voices are horse and our barbs ineffective and meaningless. Good luck Brad! Do not fail us.

Brad’s trusty steed, Perses…

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Thursday Afternoon Randomosity

It’s Thursday and that means it’s time to look at the charred remains of a Lamborghini in Brooklyn.

OK, that was freaking crazy. Something equally crazy, get a load of Big George’s left calf muscle as he rides alongside Cadel Evans in Holland. What’s going on there?

And one final note of craziness, the new candy apple green Soma Juices (FRAM3010) have finally arrived in stock. Heads were exploding all over the receiving the department, “Scanners”-style, as these frames were unpacked; Not from the super-loud green color but from weaponized telekinesis. It’s not too late to eschew the Tour for the mountain and trail-ular pursuits. Seriously, we all know Denis Menchov is gonna win by like, an hour or whatever so there’s no point in wasting precious trail time plopped in front of Versus. Huzzah!

(16 inch frame shown)

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“Ghost Dad” Makes “Umberto D” Look Like “Singin’ In The Rain”

With the Tour De France fast approaching, we thought we’d share this bit of cycling ephemera from the Johan Bruyneel archives. Pictured in the center is a fautleroy’ed junior rider (Bruyneel) flanked by a motley assortment of characters who comprised his scheming “entourage”. From left to right, in order of literary menace: The Manager, The Proud Father, The Estranged But Loving Grandfather, Bruyneel, The Coulda-Been-Somethin’, The Hired Muscle, The Child-Minded Simpleton, The Goon and The Pariah. Technically, and this is going by written rules and not letting emotion cloud judgment, shouldn’t the Goon be on the front page of The Satorialist? High wasted linen pants, lapel-less hunting jacket, cigar hanging suggestively from his mouth and thumbs inserted front pocketwise look offly Euro-Sartorialist to this eye. It’s a weird photograph nonetheless. May it haunt your dreams for the next 4 weeks.

Speaking of haunting, even though purchaser Georgio has moved on to greener pastures, his purchasing memories haunt us like so many Caspers, Ghost Dads and Rich Uncle Skeletons. In a stroke of brilliance, Georgio brought in the always lovely Cardiff leather saddles to appeal to the cruiser/mixte crowd who find an SLR or Arione distasteful and the exorbitant price of a Brooks unsettling. These are one hundred percent leather saddles made for one hundred percent of your backside. Just noticed, but The Blog is pretty sure the Cardiff logo and the Guild Of Calamitous Intent’s logo look eerily similar. Note to self, need to purchase those Venture Brothers cufflinks before they’re sold out. Buy a Cardiff while you’re at it. That is all.

Not sold on “Ghost Dad”, then check out the critical acclaim you naysayer.

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Of and Turtles and Commuter Frames


The earliest known turtles date back 215 million years ago. They have been around longer than snakes or lizards. The largest turtle can reach weights of 2000 pounds and some have lived for more than 200 years (an infant compared to Brantley)! During a particularly sweltering mountain bike ride recently, I came across this docile turtle resting trailside. It’s crazy to think he could trace his family lineage back millions of years and how we take these walking historical artifacts for granted. Here is an excellent recipe for turtle stew.

Speaking of slow and steady with a penchant for laying its eggs in the cool, damp earth, behold the new Pake commuter frame (FRAM5144) in its 2010 incarnation, battleship gray! Huzzah!

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