Category: The Goods

March 16, 2011

Survey Says…. Baby Rhino Pile-Driving Her Mother!

Allow The Blog to wallow in a bit of reminiscence if you will. When I was a mindless unformed blob of unwashed kinetic slime (a 7 year old), I remember being looked after by my grandmother from time to time. It was usually during the summer in the morning and afternoon whist Bloggy’s parents were toiling. As my grandmother was a person of formidable intelligence (sic. paranoid), she was well aware of the potential dangers a 7 year old not engaged with a gainful and productive labor poses on the general populace. Sadly, the Mines Act of 1844 had outlawed children working in coal mines and my pick pocketing skills were suspect at best. Therefore, my dear grandmother decided to take me along with her on her Meals On Wheels routes. I would ride shotgun and as we approached a home, I would jump out Duke Boys style, grab the proper meal (diabetic, sodium-free, potential Nosferatu, etc) and deliver it to its grateful recipient. My grandmother would always accompany me to make sure I wasn’t snatched up and sold for my beautiful corneas in Hong Kong. She was quite vigilant but the elderly who were on our list were always quite friendly, amiable and perhaps a little too garrulous. Anyhoo, this memory of my first brush with volunteerism was brought to mind today after I received an email about an upcoming charity ride to benefit Meals On Wheels. It’s a well run organization that was hit hard during the economic downturn and is in need of funds to make sure the homebound elderly don’t go without essential meals. Obviously there are a lot of things that demand your donation attention, but consider putting this ride on your “to do” list.

By the way, just in case you’re thinking of starting your own bicycle-powered version of Meals On Wheels, perhaps you should consider one of the new Evo integrated handlebar-basket combos (HDBR1100). The ideas were born on the mean, gritty streets of Copenhagen and then translated to the soft downy streets of Lexington, SC for your pleasure.

February 8, 2011

Grapefruit, The Other White Meat

In a hermetically sealed office setting, the constant threat of catastrophic illness looms over us all like so many runny-nosed gargoyles. Case in point, our beloved marketing manager Julie G. has been stricken with palpitating kidney boils and a touch of the Aunt Rash. She will be bed-ridden and chamberpot-dependent until early spring. Fresh fruit is the best weapon for fending off the microbial marauders. Thus, Bloggy has started consuming grapefruit on an almost daily basis. Hawley’s healthy canteen had a few in stock, covered in dust, forgotten behind sugar-free plum fritters and soy-pops, and after the first couple, a flood of citrus-tinged memories came flooding back to me. Namely, “Why on earth do people eat grapefruit for pleasure?” As fruits go, it is most comparable to the lobster or dreaded “sea” crab. Both are difficult to eat and once the precious “meat” is excavated, it often leaves one disappointed. Case in point, this morning my grapefruit was halved (in the Continental style). Bisected and lying supine on a plate, I began trying to carve out the pink pulp with a spoon, only to shower my desk with white hot citric juice. The acid, it burned! Burned everything in sight like napalm. After much spoon wrangling, a few mealy shreds and some tepid grapefruit juice were my reward. “This is not working” I said to myself. “There must be an easier way to ingest vitamins and flavor while maintaining what little dignity I have left (I made air quotes around ‘dignity’)”. Luckily, Jose just happened to somersault into the office, resplendent in a bright green hooded unitard and bushy mustache.

He exclaimed “Dude! Fruit is dead. Be on the cutting edge and try some of this FRS! Make you strong, like frog suit Mario!” at which the tiny little man made horns with his fingers and went careening down the hallway. I shrugged and thought “The crazy little man might be on to something. He WAS right about Dave from Thomson being a shape shifter. Maybe he’s right about FRS?” Grapefruit was on the verge of driving me into the depths of madness so I heeded Jose’s advice and tried FRS. Specifically, the Wild Berry powdered drink mix. According to FRS, their products are fueled by an antioxidant called Querticin. You would need to eat 40 apples in one sitting (and oh, how you would be sitting and sitting and sitting and sitting) to equal the Querticin in one serving of FRS. Once again, Bloggy doesn’t know anything about the science behind FRS but I know apples are good for you and 40 apples are REALLY good for you so with that tenuous bit of “knowledge”, I made the plunge into a non-grapefruit world of daily nutrition. I’ll present my data and findings in 6 months. Remember me as a hero. Expect pie charts and reams of data on a 80′s styled computer paper.

The sleek styling…

Looks like ground mustard seed. This will be an omen for good. Of this, I am certain.

February 2, 2011

Short Traque!

Teenwolf (inside sales) is in Texas this week visiting some of our accounts in person so feel free to come by the mothership offices and defile his cubicle in any way you see fit. Here are a few suggestions: Human body waste, all over his monitor. Set his chair on fire. Well that’s all I got, any suggestions from our readers? Nothing creative. We’re going for bombast coupled with massive annoyance here. The only caveats are you can’t wake Jose from his afternoon nap time (1:45-4:15, he sleeps with his eyes open, like one of them dragons from “Reign Of Fire”) and no cuddly animals of any kind. Good luck. If you eschew luck for skill and inner strength and have a few remnants of cyclocross fitness left in the tank, then you should consider racing in the Charlotte Winter Short Track series this weekend. Bloggy did this race a few years ago and it is always a good time (“good” being relative and sometimes quite the opposite). Nestled in the bucolic splendor of Renaissance Park, the 3/4 mile trail is a mixture of BMXish berms, pavement, roots, dirt, grass and whatever else you can think of. From what I remember, the race tends to get “muddy”. Not your typical muddy, more of an “Amazonian Bog Monster” muddy, but that’s what makes it fun and enables you to replace those parts you were thinking about replacing but were on the fence about. Those brake pads? Consider them toast. No wonder there are so many local shops sponsoring the series as you will need a full team of mechanics to fix your poor bike, but it’s worth it for sure! I’m also pretty sure former Hawleyite and now current Grand Junction resident Will The G. got lapped twice and then crashed out last year. NOW THAT’S AWESOME. Rich Dillen? He races short track! Heavens. Click on the flier for more information.

We received our first shipment of DZ Nuts! David Zabriskie’s signature brand of body products, strong enough for a man but made for a woman or a man. It really doesn’t matter but they do in fact make a women’s specific chamois cream (BODY7050) which one can only speculate about. NAY! Cease speculation and avail your lady friend with a tube of the glistening goop at your local bicycle shop! Bloggy is looking forward to trying the high heat embrocation (BODY7220)… on wheat.

January 12, 2011

I’ve been thinking about Morgan Freeman all day after listening to a podcast where his career was referenced for approximately 2 hours in addition to running into him at Lowe’s this weekend (he was buying a ceiling fan and 6 tons of duct tape, hands covered in blood). That gentleman has quite the list of films to his credit, in addition to his baritone narrator voice that ALSO reminded the Blog of something top secret Adam is ankle deep in right now, but there’ll be more of that in the coming weeks. My top 5 MF flicks in no particular order:

“Deep Impact”

“Dreamcatcher”

“Se7en”

“Chain Reaction”

“Unforgiven”

I know, I know. “Unforgiven” is a stretch but “Dreamcatcher” might just make my top 5 greatest things of all time. That scene where the mentally challenged guy turns into an alien and starts going all sickhouse on that bad alien and Morgan Freeman does the cliché “eye rub of disbelief” and you can just barely make out a gaffer’s head exploding in the background! How can you not pump your fist at that, or as graphics department hefe Julie calls it, a “stand on your chair moment”. Equally head-exploding are the brand spanking new aluminum track frames from our chums at Pake. According to Patrick, these are dealer-friendly priced but with Pista-styled performance, yet with the easy-to-remove decals that Bloggy has come to love. More velodrome-ish but if you need to rock this on campus, it’s drilled for brakes. Dig them beefy drop-outs! Huzzah! A Pake of a darker nature.

Also, as a bit of a warm up to CX Worlds coming up in the near future. Acquaint thyself with these acquaintances.

Continue reading →

November 22, 2010

Hendersonville CX, Tough Shift.

“……. There I was yet again, sliding effortlessly over a patch of dew-slickened grass on the last turn before the start of the backside pavement, and my thoughts immediately turned to food. Specifically, the bagels, scrambled eggs and sausage I had consumed a mere 3 hours before and the insouciant hint of pan grease still lingering in my olfactory cortex like so many distant memories of breakfasts from an earlier time, a better time, a “I can’t believe I laid down my freaking bike in this stupid turn” time. I thought about how wonderful it would be to eat a breakfast of such immeasurable proportions again on Sunday and how sincerely grateful I was that I had been created and raised in the South and how somewhere an obese, ridibund, Southern grandmother with three kindly chins and an outfit 13 years removed from a Land’s End catalog stared vacantly out a kitchen window, shirtsleeves covered in bacon grease and biscuit flower, dreaming of frittes and flyovers. Then I regained my senses, hopped on my trusted steed a mere 4.27 seconds after my initial spill only to realize my right shifter body had cracked in half. Fiddle sticks. We have the technology, we can rebuild it…… SHIF8229. “

November 11, 2010

Catalog Production, Day 8724.

It isn’t day 8274 of catalog production, but after staring at “rims” and their corresponding strips and cements for several hours, it’s starting to feel like this thing is reproducing itself on an endless loop. I’m trapped in a Phillip Glass tune being played by G.G. Allin and the Murder Junkies and somehow it’s got something to do with the Stargate and Timex watches. My mind, it’s crumbling like blue cheese. Perhaps a quick tour of Independent Fabrications to help keep the “crazies” at bay? Click on the pic for a look into the mouth madness (courtesy of Prolly Is Not Probably)…

By the way, there’s a lovely bit of cyclocross racing happenin’ this weekend in Charlotte, NC (The Queen City). The NC Cross Series rolls into town offering you your best chance of showing off your cowbell ringing skills and heckling abilities…

October 12, 2010

Product Placement: Itchy For Ritchey

Clad in black hoodies, face-obscuring bandanas and Jansport back packs, the street toughs at Ritchey have lobbed a component Molotov cocktail at the bicycle industry in the form of their new “Classic” line of stems, posts and handlebars. Emboldened by the spirit of global upheaval but with the retro, historical flare of rampaging Bolsheviks, the “Classic” line is polished silver goodness for the darkest and blackest of souls. At last, a line of components suitable for Ricky Schroeder. Huzzah! Unlike most things with the word “Classic” in their title, these shiny bobbles are light enough for gram counters but strong enough for the most corpulent of riders. 107 grams for the stem and 250 grams for the post. These are in stock in super-limited quantities and apparently are so new, Ritchey doesn’t even have pictures of them on their website. So that begs the question, CAN THESE PARTS EVEN EXIST??? One hand clapping.

Did I mention Ricky Schroeder was some sort of demon spawn? This post is at the risk of devolving into a screed against R.S. mainly because The Blog made the mistake of streaming a few minutes of “Silver Spoons” last night and came to the realization that it was easily in the top ten of Worst Shows Of All-Time. NBC would’ve been better off making “Lil’ Howard Hughes the Billionaire Urine Collector” or “Baby Fritz, War Profiteer” if they wanted to teach kids about the dangers of being over-privledged and sleeping in race car bed, but I digress. Play ‘em off antiquated home computer…

And to slake your curiosity, here are TV Guide’s 50 Worst Shows put out several years ago. No mention of “Silver Spoons” but good to see “Supertrain” and “Holmes and Yo-Yo” made the list. Oddly enough, the latter was about a time-traveling Yo Yo Ma who meets Sherlock Holmes in Victorian London, rent a loft together, meet kindly old souls through their antiques store and then eat them.

50. Barney & Friends (PBS, April 6, 1992–present)
49. The Ropers (ABC, March 13, 1979–May 22, 1980)
48. Bless This House (CBS, September 11, 1995–January 17, 1996)
47. Rango (ABC, January 13, 1967–September 1, 1967)
46. Me And The Chimp (CBS, January 13, 1972–May 18, 1972)
45. A.K.A. Pablo (ABC, March 6, 1984–April 17, 1984)
44. She’s the Sheriff (Syndication, 1987–1989)
43. Woops! (FOX, September 27, 1992–December 6, 1992)
42. The Flying Nun (ABC, September 7, 1967–April 3, 1970)
41. The Tom Green Show (MTV, 1999–2000)
40. Makin’ It (ABC, February 1, 1979–March 19, 1979)
39. Still the Beaver (Disney Channel, 1985–1986)
38. Hell Town (NBC, September 11, 1985–December 25, 1985)
37. Saturday Night Live with Howard Cosell (ABC, September 20, 1975–January 17, 1976)
36. The Misadventures of Sheriff Lobo (NBC, September 18, 1979–May 5, 1981)
35. Pink Lady and Jeff (NBC, March 1, 1980–April 11, 1980)
34. Alexander the Great (ABC, January 26, 1968)
33. Holmes and Yo-Yo (ABC, September 25, 1976–December 11, 1976)
32. Co-Ed Fever (CBS, February 4, 1979)
31. Homeboys in Outer Space (UPN, August 27, 1996–May 13, 1997)
30. Unhappily Ever After (WB, January 11, 1995–May 2, 1999)
29. The Howard Stern Show (E!, June 20, 1994–present)
28. Supertrain (NBC, February 7, 1979–July 28, 1979)
27. Turn-On (ABC, February 5, 1969)
26. Life with Lucy (ABC, September 20, 1986–November 15, 1986)
25. Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire (FOX, February 20, 2000)
24. One of the Boys (NBC, January 23, 1982–August 20, 1982)
23. Sammy and Company (Syndication, 1975–1977)
22. The Powers of Matthew Star (NBC, September 17, 1982–April 15, 1983)
21. Baywatch (NBC/Syndication, September 22, 1989–May 19, 2001)
20. The Pruitts of Southampton (ABC, September 6, 1966–April 7, 1967)
19. The PTL Club (Syndication, 1976–1987)
18. The Ugliest Girl in Town (ABC, September 26, 1968–January 30, 1969)
17. Casablanca (NBC, April 10, 1983–September 3, 1983)
16. The Chevy Chase Show (FOX, September 7, 1993–October 15, 1993)
15. Manimal (NBC, September 30, 1983–December 31, 1983)
14. Baby Bob (CBS, March 18, 2002–present)
13. Twenty-One (NBC, September 12, 1956–October 16, 1958)
12. Hello, Larry (NBC, January 26, 1979–April 30, 1980)
11. The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer (UPN, October 5, 1998–October 26, 1998)
10. Hee Haw Honeys (Syndication, 1978–1979)
9. You’re in the Picture (CBS, January 20, 1961–January 27, 1961)
8. Cop Rock (ABC, September 26, 1990–December 26, 1990)
7. AfterMASH (CBS, September 26, 1983–December 18, 1984)
6. Celebrity Boxing (FOX, March 13, 2002–present)
5. Hogan’s Heroes (CBS, September 17, 1965–July 4, 1971)
4. The Brady Bunch Hour (January 23, 1977–May 25, 1977)
3. XFL (NBC, UPN, TNN, February 3, 2001–April 21, 2001)
2. My Mother the Car (NBC, September 14, 1965–April 5, 1966)
1. The Jerry Springer Show (Syndication, September 30, 1991–present)

September 1, 2010

We Have Rebuilt It, Now We Must Install It

And now, re-assembling the Campy Record shifter. Behold, the finger lever with ratchet ring, pivot post nut and washers installed.

Finger lever slides into the lever body. Bearings now sit around the pivot post.

The G Spring carrier sits snugly with both G-Springs inserted on either side with a liberal slathering of Campy grease.

Another washer and the index gear is placed on top.

The index spring is set in the index gear, a layer of grease and the thumb lever is squeezed onto the end of the spring.

What Zinn refers to as the “bushing”, which isn’t really a bushing, is placed into the center of the index gear and thumb lever.

Now the tricky bit. This is where it helps to have a 5mm in a vise or a custom made shifter jig so you can have both hands free. A flat head screwdriver is used to wind the compensation spring on top of the thumb lever. This is where all the tension lives!!!

Properly installed, the compensation spring should look something like this:

Now a washer and a bolt are thrown on top to hold everything together or else, CHAOS!

Grease all the moving joints.

Slip the plastic bottom cover back on. No need for a hammer as finger strength should suffice. If not, seek medical attention; you have Asian Finger Death Fever.

Whoopsy, don’t forget to slip in the top spring above the finger lever. Patrick prefers a pair of needle nose pliers and steady fingers, honed after decades of all night “Operation” marathons.

The spring is snugly bedded in the lever body. The shifter has been rebuilt and Patrick will be allowed to see his loved ones again, unharmed…. until the left lever needs rebuilding.