I regained consciousness with a knot on the back of my head and blurred vision. Staggering to my feet, I ran trembling fingers through my hair and felt dried blood and possibly the remnants of leaking brain matter. I surmised my tumble had been straight back into a supporting pillar in the warehouse. Hyperkulturemia is a psychosomatic illness that is caused by a beautiful or particularly large work of art. Side effects often include but are not excluded to rapid heartbeat, dizziness, fainting and sometimes permanent psychosis. It is said the great author Stendhal (of “Red and Black” fame) kept passing out during a visit to the Uffizi. And it is with this background information in addition to my severe head wound and rapidly progressing concussion that I present you with this week’s commuter bike of the week! Justin (replenishment manager) took a mild-mannered Pake track frame and turned it into the stuff of children’s nightmares… Behold another of Justin’s creations in all of its motley glory…
First the mundane bits. If you run a bike shop, you stock a little part called RACK8010, better known as the Eleven81 rear rack hardware kit. This converts the rackless frame into a uh, rackful frame and it’s always good to have a few on hand.
Cheap but reliable, the Tektro 538 (and now it’s better version, 539[BKST10359]) is the brake of choice for thrifty customers who know the value of slowing down.
KMC single speed chain (CHAN100822) lovingly wedded to a Pake track crank (CRKS33671) which appears to have a painted chainring!
The Soma Ensho saddle in Mutha of Pearl (SD7029) must be seen in person to be appreciated.
Uh, OK. We don’t carry Oval Concepts anymore but this aero fork was lying around somewhere and Justin was lying around somewhere and they found each other and so, here we are. Once again, lots of warranties were voided during the construction of this bike.
Cane Creek SCR-5 brake levers (BKLR11170) disguised in a HUDZ Campy hood. Notice the subtle celeste Lizard Skin tape (HDTP1609).
You barely notice the Deda RHM-01 bar (HDBR16632) poking it’s tomato red head out of the assembled genocide of color.
IN YOUR FACE AT 27 POUNDS!
“Star Wars” cruiser bike. Yes, thats a light saber headlight…
Let’s remember folks, NEXT Friday is Hawley’s Bike To Work Rally. Before that, Columbia is hosting its annual Midlands Ride Of Silence next Wednesday at 7:00 PM. Rendezvous point is 1001 Harden Street, the parking lot for Food Lion and Cycle Center and the route should take us through USC, past the State House and back to 5 Points. After ride meet up is at the venerable El Burrito where the first 50 riders in get a free burrito, courtesy of Palmetto Cycling Coalition. If El Burrito isn’t your scene, you’re more than welcome to join Bloggy. I’ll be digging through the Pawley’s Front Porch dumpster for tasty morsels. Bring sturdy work gloves, a garden trowel and a grain silo full of optimism. With this humid weather, it ain’t gonna be pretty… but dumpster diving never is. Don’t judge me. In other news, today’s ride into work was especially dangerous. My points are through the roof after the motley ensemble of vehicles I encountered. On Old Two Notch, I was buzzed by a dump truck (+6), a semi truck (+6.4), and a van with a trailer (+4.9) caravan-ing together at Mach 2. Luckily the cross tires came in handy as I did a few yards of off-roading as the trio literally blew me off the road. I caught up to them at the light however so I guess their speeding was all for naught. As I rounded through the final turn towards work, I noticed the new bike lane painted onto South Lake Dr. right in front of Hawley! HUZZAH! Perfect timing for Bike To Work Month. Even though I got bullied by some big trucks, the ride this morning was still infinitely better than being trapped in a car AND I got to listen to my newly acquired copy of Black Flag’s “The Complete 1982 Demos” in its entirety (do not listen to music whilst riding in heavy traffic, or in any traffic) although Adam’s newly rekindled interest in dubstep may see my Youngsta Dubstep Allstars playlist uploaded back onto the I-Pod in the near future…
The Offending Trio:
The NEW bike lane paintage with Hawley barely visible in the distance:
Shipping department news alert: Inventory specialist J-Town is attending Cirque Du Soleil this weekend. He’s watched a couple primer videos and is looking forward to his first encounter with the seedy underbelly of Quebecois circus punks. Hopefully we’ll have the details Monday morning. Godspeed J-town. You can borrow my stabbing stick if you need it; Inventory specialist Ben, in the middle of a ping pong thrashing of the graphic department’s Joshie, screamed “Topanga!” After a cursory inquiry, it appears Ben has (willingly) substituted all swears and general exclamations for characters on “Boy Meets World”. I wish I was making this up but I’m not. Topanga indeed Ben, Topanga indeeeeed. Have a frank and productive weekend. By the way, if you’re riding down Wheat Street, looks like they got a new pothole. His name is Pottymouth and he’s looking forward to meeting you:
By the way, if you’re doing the Tour De Midlands charity ride tomorrow, say “hi” to me and Jose. Can’t be sure of Jose’s grumpiness level, but he may slap you in the face.
This week’s “Commuter Bike of the Week” belongs to longtime Hawley employee, Cliff Gelbarshot.
In every kingdom, government, secret society or high school clique, there are figureheads or closely knit factions of influence, concentrated power and ferality that to hint at even the slightest of transgression can bring down the wrath of a Norse god apocalypse (see yesterday’s post, ref: “Ragnarok”). Thus it is so with The Hawley Company’s IT department, who at the drop of a misplaced bracket or backslash in a line of code could grind the wheels of bicycle part commerce to a screeching halt. In the spirit of detente, The Blog humbly beseeches our IT overlords for mercy. As a sign of goodwill, this week’s commuter bike of the week belongs to IT goon B’Love! After a 90 minute berating from D-Rod yesterday, B’Love decided to quit the tender-footing and get serious about riding to work. 16 miles and 7 gallons of sweat later, B’Love made it to work in one piece this morning. Is this only the beginning of a possible bike commuter MVP performance for 2010 or a Pervis Ellison-styled flame out that will leave the historians shaking their heads. Only time will tell….
A motley combination of Sigma Quadro (new for 2010!) and Planet Bike lights adorn the handlebar.
The ubiquitous Shimano SPD pedals, the choice of all lawless commuters…
GI saddlebag installed at a rakish angle compliments the Selle Italia and Planet Bike…
GI Second Wind pump and a 24 oz Polar bottle…
The Maxxis Detonator training tire. Not bulletproof but more than adequate for the rigors of riding into work…
17.77!!! Birth year of Italian sculptor Lorenzo Bartolini. Fresh!
… Belongs to Justin of Shipping/Receiving/Perfumery. You may know him as Justy, Justicus Maximus or Old Fuss-n-Feathers, but to the accounting and sheriff’s department, he shall always be J-Town and J-Town’s commuter ride is a case study in functional frugality melded with Tokyo cyberfunk. Cobbled together from pieces both purchased and donated (sic. conjured), this is a lovely, Krylon-ed commuter bike that would be welcome in any Hawley employee’s stable. A little background info on this week’s commuter: Justin enjoys tallboys of energy drink, good posture, endless loops of sitar music, venting his unfounded rage against Mother Nature, forklifts, running into The Blog at Lucero concerts and volunteering at the local motion sickness clinic. For a good commuting time, feel free to give J-Town a ring…
Nice lugwork coupled with the ubiquitous Cateye taillight & DIY seatpost clamp bolt…
Speckled accents along the fork legs remind one of a spotted salamander served with kidney bean salad, peach cobbler and bread roll…
Singleworks Brown Marble cork handlebar tape (HDTP0924) for the lover of fine things, like brown marble. Check out those headset spacers! That’s mah boy!!!
Even with the Kenda cross tires, this mystery road frame has pretty good tire clearance.
Will finally got his Spooky cross bike built up and rode the arduous 18 miles into work so by default, we shall award him with commuter bike of the week.
The world’s most dominated Third Eye Chain Watcher (CHAN8005). If ain’t broke, don’t replace itHUDZ cable donuts (CABL90303), which according to Will (Hudz purchaser so his opinion is not without its share of bias) are the only cable donuts that never move. (Interesting head “badge” and some creative cable routing solutions)In addition to the complimentary hand soaps, nerve tonics, comfrey salve root lotions and erotic bath oils, Will gets the option of trading out his workhorse Cane Creek canti brakes (BKST1840) for some newly arrived, warehouse-fresh TRP canti brakes.
Just because cross season is long gone doesn’t mean the well-meaning cross fop or mud dandy can’t sport the latest in stylish bicycle de-acceleratrixes. Run the Eurox Aluminum for sporty jaunts around the neighborhood cross course or for simply relaxing around the house with your friends, like one of those Dockers commercials, minus the slow motion frivolity and the black and white footage. The Eurox Carbon brightens up any living room, den or rumpus room with a homely touch that appeals to sensible home decor aesthetics while avoiding an “old-fashioned” look that harkens back to “Petticoat Junction” mixed with “Dances With Wolves” . Weighing in at a scant 109 grams a set, these are the contemporary interior accessory you’ve been pining for. If it’s sleek urban-funk stylings you’re interested in with a nod to Wes Anderson costume design and Henry Darger flights of fancy, add the Eurox Magnesium to your holiday wish list (your choice of holiday ). Weighing in at 103 grams, these brake sets are what all the cool kids are running. Cool kids like Niels Albert, Geoff Kabush, Jonathan Page, Amy Dombroski, Katie Compton, Tim Johnson, Sven Nys and Sonic Youth’s Thurston Moore. Sure, they don’t dress like they just walked out of “Darjeeling Limited” but THESE brakes will make them FEEL like they just stepped out of “Darjeeling Limited”. As far as stopping power for all three of these brakes, your guess is as good as mine. No idea. Nada, none.
… belongs to Teenwolf, not by choice, but because the lupine lothario is getting married next week and demanded, at claw-point to have his ridiculous old school Euskaltel Orbea featured as commuter of the week. But first things first. Teenwolf and Mary are getting hitched and as is the custom around here, an awkward photo of the loving couple must be posted with the requisite creeper in the background. Congrats Jose, your creep factor just increased six fold. You’re approaching Fergie levels.
Here are some pictures of the frame the guys at Orbea were generous enough to give Teenwolf. Can’t hold a candle to a Storck, but it’ll do for rides under 5 km in length,as a grocery getter or as kindling:
MTB pedals Teenwolf? I see you’ve stolen yet another idea from The Blog!
Top tube sticker? Just because Kyle is in Europe watching the Tour doesn’t mean you get to steal his “cover any blank space with a sticker” technique of frame adornment/desecration!
Everybody loves Mary, but it takes a special woman to love a man who “makes mississippi mudpies” in his shorts on a weekly basis. Oh Teenwolf, that guilty look on your face speaks volumes. You just made another mudpie, didn’t you??!?!?!?
… belongs to Brian Comley (purchasing)! Brian’s 1.1 proved to be quite the troublesome frame to shoot. Bad lighting conditions and its uber-stealth carbon fiber meant it was doing the Ole Disappearin’ act. Oh well, although these pics are sub-par, you get the drift. Brian is from Ohio, therefore The Blog thought it appropriate to include some funfacts about the Buckeye State:
- The first ambulance service was established in Cincinnati in 1865.
- Cleveland boasts America’s first traffic light. It began on Aug. 5, 1914.
- Ermal Fraze invented the pop-top can in Kettering.
- James J. Ritty, of Dayton, invented the cash register in 1879 to stop his patrons from pilfering house profits.
- “Hang On Sloopy” is the official state rock song.
- Cincinnati Reds were the first professional baseball team.
- The Y Bridge in Zanesville was first built in 1814 to span the confluence of the Licking and Muskingum Rivers. The current bridge is the fifth construction at the same location. “Ripley’s Believe It or Not” proclaimed it the only bridge in the world which you can cross and still be on the same side of the river.
(Where did Brian get this water bottle cage? Minoura? Some back alley transaction in Taipei???)
- Akron was the first city to use police cars.
- Cincinnati had the first professional city fire department.
- Akron is the rubber capital of the world.
- The American Federation of Labor was founded in Columbus.
- The sit-com “laugh track” was invented in Toledo in 1938.
- Ohio senator John Glenn became the oldest man to venture into outer space.
On February 20, 1962 he was the first American to orbit the earth. In October of 1998 at age 77 he returned to the space program and traveled back into space.
- Cleveland is home to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
- Ohio is the leading producer of greenhouse and nursery plants.
- The Pro Football Hall of Fame is located in Canton.
- Neil Armstrong became the first man to walk on the moon. He was from Wapakoneta.
- The World’s Worst hangover occured at 10:43 AM in Cincinnatti in 1983.
- The Wright Brothers are acknowledged as inventors of the first airplane they were from Dayton.
- The popular television sit-com, “The Drew Cary Show” is set in Cleveland.
- East Liverpool was the beginning point of the United States Public Land Survey. The location was the area from which a rectangular-grid land survey system was established under the Ordinance of 1785. The survey provided for administration and subdivision of land in the Old Northwest Territory. The Ordinance stipulated that all public lands were to be divided into townships six miles square.
- (Brian’s toaster sized Vetta computer perched in his Ritchey cockpit.)
- Seven United States presidents were born in Ohio. They are: Ulysses S. Grant, Rutherford B. Hayes, James A. Garfield, Benjamin Harrison, William McKinley, William H. Taft, and Warren G. Harding.
- Some well-known personalities were born in Ohio. Among them Steven Spielberg, Paul Newman, Annie Oakley, Arsenio Hall and Clark Gable.
- Steve Hawley refuses to recognize Ohio as a “legitimate state” after the Pajama Incident of 1991.
- The first full time automobile service station was opened in 1899 in Ohio.
- In 1852 Ohio was the first state to enact laws protecting working women.
- Ohio gave America its first hot dog in 1900. Harry M. Stevens created the popular dining dog.
- Ohio became the 17th state on March 1, 1803.
- East 105th Street and Euclid Avenue in Cleveland was the site of the first pedestrian button for the control of a traffic light. The boy chosen for the 1948 newsreel to demonstrate its operation was Louis Spronze.
- Ohio has an area of 116,103 sq miles. It ranks 34th in state size.
- David Lee Roth was conceived and born in Toledo.
- Columbus is the state capital and Ohio’s largest city.
- 50% of the United States population lives within a 500 mile radius of Columbus.
- Dresden is the home of the world’s largest basket. It is located at Basket Village USA.
- Fostoria is the only city to be situated in three counties (Seneca, Hancock & Wood).
- Ohio’s state flag is a pennant design. It is the only state flag of that design in the United States.
- Ohio University was founded in 1804 at Athens and is recognized as the first university in Ohio and in the Northwest Territory.
- Oberlin College was founded in 1833.It was the first interracial and coeducational college in the United States.
- The Glacial Grooves on the north side of Kelleys Island are the largest easily accessible such grooves in the world. They were scoured into solid limestone bedrock about 18,000 years ago by the great ice sheet that covered part of North America.
- The pillow case was invented in Cleveland in 1823. The pillow was invented two years later.
- Marietta was Ohio’s first permanent settlement. Founded in 1788 by General Rufus Putnam and named in honor of Marie Antoinette, then queen of France.
- Chillicothe was Ohio’s first capital city.
- Cleveland became the world’s first city to be lighted electrically in 1879.
- Ohio is known as the Buckeye State.
- Thomas A. Edison from Milan developed the incandescent light bulb, phonograph, and early motion picture camera.
- John Lambert of Ohio City made America’s first automobile in 1891.
- Charles Kettering of Loundonville invented the automobile self-starter in 1911.
- Charles Goodyear of Akron developed the process of vulcanizing rubber in 1839.
- Roy J. Plunkett of New Carlisle invented Teflon in 1938.
- MC Hammer wrote the lyrics to “Can’t Touch This” while teaching an English lit. class at Kent State in 1988.
- W.F. Semple of Mount Vernon patented chewing gum in 1869.
- John Mercer Langston is believed to have been the first African American elected to public office. He was elected clerk of Brownhelm in 1854.
- Long jumper DeHart Hubbard was the first African American to earn an Olympic Gold Medal. The award occurred during the 1924 Olympics games held in Paris. He set the record for long jumping.
- Jesse Owens grew up in Cleveland. He won four gold medals in the 1936 Olympics in Berlin.
(Back that thing up! Hoo ah! Remember Juvenile? Anyone? [crickets])
… belongs to Jason from shipping! It’s a super stealth Soma track frame with all the fixin’s! Yummers! The Blog has seen Jason rolling around town on a few occasions but folk on Fixies don’t associate with folk on 24 Inch BMX crusiers with homemade sidecars and with good reason. I would’ve shivved him for his grocery bag full of ginger beer and tin foil. Trust no one Jason, not even your old trustworthy friend, The Blog. But seriously, all random shivving aside, Jason’s use of Sram Red TT Brake levers was a stroke of genius! They look good and they might be useful for applying the brakes. God speed lil’ whipper snapper! Have fun rampaging around Cola this weekend! I hope I don’t see you riding this fella at tonight’s alley cat WITHOUT a helmet or it’s no TV and no internet for a week!
Guzizzah! Soma pedals look ready for some skidmarks! And maybe for making skidmarks!
Awww, Princeton Tec headlight! No battery pack and plenty of output makes for a super-safe night time ride or a not so super-safe cave exploration that ends with everybody getting eating by blind cannibal troglodytes!:)
TT brake lever!
Bye bye Soma! See you later!