First of all, portrait of an outside sales representative. “Hollywood” Hale films his outside rep video introduction as Adam fights the urge to strangle him. Same old Andy…
(Garrison Keillor-ish voice over)
“Well, it’s been an exciting week at Lake Hawleygon. The last pockets of ice and snow have finally melted and the apple cheeked children are back in school reading from their grammar primers in an eerie unison that chills your soul to the bone. Local sausage maker Mister Gargamelli stands on the street corner gesticulating wildly as he screams about the impending killer bee invasion while a befuddled Teenwolf learns the importance of eating with your mouth closed. Herds of antelope graze lazily on a grassy hillside overlooking a rendering plant as a mushroom cloud of buffoonery envelopes our state house grounds. Crickets have gained the power of speech. It is a time for bootleg Chinese DVD vendors hawking their wares in Guillotine Square as their helper spider monkeys steal eggs from the local egg cobbler. It also a time of catalogs. Print catalogs. Time-honored monoliths made in honor of the 17,000 parts contained within a giant warehouse deep within the misty moors of Red Bank. We residents of Lake Hawleygon sing the praises of the catalog and because of its publication and release to all good and righteous independent bicycle dealers, a bloodbath-free harvest is guaranteed this Fall.”
Now available with pricing and without. Consult your sales representative or jump online and click on CATL1050 or CATL1055 to order. Just so you’re not too confused, a la Ted Stevens (RIP) in mid-filibuster, the random blurbs you see throughout the catalog are factoids about important events that happened in 1986, the year Hawley was born. For example, see below:
That’s right. Hands Across America. STILL relevant 25 years later! Booyah. The final person in the chain? A pirate with a hook on his left hand.