Fortune Favors The Brave

Today in the subsection D break room, Brad from the Shipping Department told me Teenwolf (Inside Sales pariah) had been trying to “start some static”. Basically, Brad is an acolyte of the Octagon. Homeboy loves Mixed Martial Arts fighting and the training that accompanies it. He tested the lowest body fat percentage last Spring and could be described as being in cyborgishly optimum shape. Apparently, Teenwolf said that although Brad is in great shape, “ride” shape and “overall” shape are very different and that there isn’t a snowball’s chance Brad could complete the century Teenwolf and his cross country ride stooges were planning for Saturday morning. Brad disagreed vociferously and said that his fitness level would be more than adequate for 100 miles on the bike. This was where I found Brad’s mindset in the break room, ruminating about the possibility of doing a century ride with little to no bike riding in his legs. I went over the pros and cons with him. Pros: he was in good shape and had Teenwolf’s doubt as motivation. Cons? Cramping, saddle sores, fatigue and mental exhaustion. But then I asked him, “When was the last time you really challenged yourself? When was the last time you could look Ole Bloggy in the eye and not feel shame? This could be huge man! Huge I tell you!” as Geoff hovering in the background told him it was a bad idea and that I was mentally deranged. While it is true, that I am mentally deranged, I think this ride will do Brad some good. So what if he’s never ridden in clipless pedals? After the first few falls, his nerves will be steeled against any of the 9 or 10 thousand other dangers that await him on the circuitous lake route. He shall be astride his trusted Soma, which is steel, which won’t crack after one of Tony’s erratic lane shifts sends Brad into a ditch. Basically, Brad must do this ride to beat Teenwolf. It’s not a race, but just finishing it will be some sort of victory he/I can use to taunt Teenwolf for weeks to come until our voices are horse and our barbs ineffective and meaningless. Good luck Brad! Do not fail us.

Brad’s trusty steed, Perses…

9 comments

  1. Billly

    BRAD-A CENTURY TRANSFER THIS WEEKEND WILL NOTCH OUT THE PEG IN YOUR SENSORY RECEPTORS GIVING YOU A NEW BENCH MARK FOR NEGOTIATING YOUR PRIORITIES!

    GJR is right(as usual), a big neg is your high risk for cramps and cramping, not crampons. The only chance you have to perhaps stave off the muscular neuron firing of such a bad thing is to bring little mustard packets, and start shooting them like gells ever hour after the first two. Bring a sandwich and drink watered, really watered down gatorade, a bottle an hour or more if you like. You will be fine and thoroughly enjoy your inner and outer physical body transfer.

    CARTCHA Code: YWVW

  2. Troll

    WTF is ‘CARTCHA’? Brad, drink lots of vodka the night before.

    CAPTCHA code: s7he; kinda like ‘she’, but kinda not.

  3. dwight yoakam

    the whole state of nevada is pulling for you, brad, and i don’t even know you. suffering on the bike is easy.

  4. TEENWOLF

    Just to set the record stragiht. The blog is the one who told Brad to do it, not me. And I have no dought that Brad will finish the ride. I just don’t think he will finish with me. But it should be fun none the less.

  5. Billly

    I just clicked Don’t Click on the front of the Blog and saw a pot belly pig in pink rubber boots.

    CA’P’TCHA Code: ZU83

  6. Doug

    Come on Brad! You can do it – just lather up a bit w/ some butt-butter and you’ll be good to go! Give Aunt JuJu a call and ask for some pointers – and above all – hydrate (oh – and no vodka the night before the ride!)!