Stormy Mayweather

Is there anybody who caught today’s TDF stage? You know, the one with the mountain thing and all the idiots running in costumes that were funny 4 years ago but now look kinda creepy? Just wondering because El Hefe DIDN’T get to see it live and is waiting for tonight’s broadcast so whatever you do–

Idiocy

Thank the maker, Thursday is here and that means burrito-geddon. We shall prepare our gastrointestinal systems accordingly. A long, winding, road of a post was prepared about some bottle related misadventures but instead, a quick note on idiocy. There are many people who deserve to be called “idiots”. Thankfully, Floyd Mayweather is not one of them. He has a $50,000.00 I-Pod and that makes him the smartest guy at the table. $1000.00 I-Pod? Yeah, that’s stupid. $10,000.00? How can you live with yourself? $25,000.00? What, were you born with a fork jabbed in your brain? But in one bold, crazy-like-a-fox move, Mayweather went over the top, to use an arm wrestling idiom, and manned up to his idiocy, accepted it, told himself “I can do better than this” and in spending the GDP of a small¬† banana republic on a digital walkman, he flipped the proverbial script. An act of sheer stupidity became perhaps the greatest viral marketing move of 2010. The only reason I mention this is because vendor shepherd and nutritional role model Jose Texidor flips this kind of script on an hourly basis. It’s like second nature to the guy. Three Musketeers for breakfast? Horrible. Two? You’ve just blown my mind. Bib shorts in the office? Disgusting. Crotchless hooded unitard and a boa constrictor wrapped around his waist for girth containment? The “Mona Lisa” multiplied by infinity. So imagine The Blog’s surprise when this Rembrandt of The Absurd (or should it be Ionesco?) strolls into the Graphics office and immediately launches into an obscenity laced rant about the new Straitline Lenosky platform pedals NOT showing the @#$%&* gold screws. Madre mia! Que cosa! What happened to the old Jose? The Mayweather Jose? The Jose who would’ve seen a pedal pictured online missing the screws and retorted “Cover it in chocolate, sprinkle it with cat hair, light it on fire and teach it to sing ‘Dixie’ then put it online, but until then, I’ll be in my oxygen chamber.”

Oh wait, what’s missing? According to Jose, whatever is missing from this photo could bring the universe to a screeching halt. Seriously, this guy has been on a cold prickly rampage since he let these new vendor accounts go to his cabeza…

Ahhhhh, that’s better… The universe has been righted and we’re not gonna be sucked into our own personal black holes.

2 comments

    • PapaWheelie

      Quote of the year:

      “Yes, I am qualified to beat people up. But I am pretty intelligent,” – Mr. T