Guest Post From “The Belligerent Old Coot”

I’m so sick of readin’. Tarnation! Words, words, words, blah blah blah. Who gives a lick? Makes my dang eyes hurt! Paper cuts, ink splotches, weird odors, young people. Books are plain ole dumb. You ever try readin’ “Ulysses”? Just a bunch o’ gibberish, like somebody done sat on the bus and transcribed six different conversations at once. Don’t make no sense. But wait, what is THIS? “Fancy cycling”??? Whoooo doggy! Finally, a reason to NOT gouge my eyes out and any reason to avoid a gougin’ is good enough for this old dog. It appears that in 1901, some jobless, left wing hayseed got the fine idea to write a BOOK about trick riding bicycles. I hate tricks and them bicycles, but anything that predates them Rapha tweed ridin’ jackets by 100 years AND those long haired hippy fixed gear DVDs has gotta be worth somethin’! Anyway, this stupid book has been outta print since 1901 and let’s hope it stays that way. And yet, I can’t stifle that smidgen of curioisty I have about it, like the first time Daddy took me to the snake handlin’ and got bit in the throat… by grandpa. So after a 7 second Google searchin’, I came upon the book presented page by page by one of them left wing college types who think they better than me! I’m so old and cooty, blech! Where’s my pillow? I need a coot nap! Before I get to sleepin’: For the seated gentleman, follow these detailed instructions:

“Mount in usual manner for backward riding.” Check.

“Let the body rise with rising pedal and sit upon the handlebar.” Check.

“When quite steady, fold the arms.” Check.

“Maintain B-Boy stance for respect and/or props” Never.

OK everybody, that was a wonderful guest post from “The Belligerent Old Coot”. Isn’t he charming? He’s soooo old and belligerent and that’s what’s funny right? Perhaps, or the fact he’s dying of Rocky Mountain spotted hobo gout? I can’t be sure, but one thing I can be sure about is the obvious importance at the turn of the 20th century for assuming the B-Boy stance to signify maximum relaxation. They sure knew how to chill back then. “Spanish American War? Pfft, I’m chillin!” Sadly, inside sales power broker Tony Zanca won’t have any time for chilling on his Transcontinental Bicycle Journey To The Center Of The Earth. From the looks of it, Tony has about a month in the saddle. Egads. He graciously provided The Blog a faded, photocopied map of his journey which follows the pre-established Adventure Cycling Association route. Starting in San Francisco, Tony and his cycling chums ride through Nevada, Utah, Colorado, Kansas, Missouri, Illinois, Kentucky and Virginia. Follow the trials and tribulations on Crossover The Country. Here is the current route in addition to Teenwolf’s original, egocentric route: Just so this post isn’t too negative (or more negative than usual), here is a lovely bit of handmade loveliness culled from the Gita feed. A Pegoretti! Although a Cane Creek 110 (HEAD30493) would’ve looked soooooooo much better! Maybe next time?

One comment

  1. dwight yoakam

    them fools better call a brotha so i can go throw things at them as they cross carson pass and head down to woodfords. i live 20 minutes from there. seriously…