The Hawley Blog

As we approach Valentine’s Day, let’s not forget the original language of love: semaphore. Forget the roses, forget the scented bath oils, forget the erotic cakes, forget the kidnapped string quartet playing at gunpoint under your wife’s window as you pantomime the throat slitting motion every time they play a note out of tune. When [...]

Well folks, we got our first shipment of Industry Nien hubs this morning. Handcrafted by Nien Nunb himself on his homeworld of Sallust, these hubs utilize an alien composite stripped from the hulking shipyards on Fondor mixed with souvenir scraps of adamantium from the original Death Star. Each hub is tested for strength and imbued [...]

The “mystery part” is HORN1036, the Sumo Wrestler from our mortal enemies at Co-Union! Thanks for playing. No Zaxby’s for Jose!

It almost slipped the Blog’s mind this week, but in the nick of time it remembered that the Storck van (aka Mystery Machine) is sporting a fresh new look for its 2009 Tour, this year titled “S’Tourk 2009: The Year We Make Contact”. As usual, Andy will be playing Roy Scheider to Brittany’s John Lithgow [...]

It’s been a while since we’ve had a “mystery product” because of its high levels of unpopularity and the general bad taste it left in everyone’s mouth. When given a choice between playing “mystery product” or bathing in a swarm of fire ants and broken glass, the latter was the resounding choice. “Uh yeah, I’ll [...]

This is an old story but worth a read. Lots of different opinions in Brooklyn concerning the new bikes lanes: Brooklyn Bike Lanes (New York Times)

Brian showed me a pen yesterday that was sent by a promotions company. They make pens with your company’s name, you hand the pens out or squirrel them away in your desk and exchange them for cigarettes and shivs in chow line. Then when the riot comes (and it always does), you have a weapon [...]

Much to the Blog’s chagrin, yet another vendor “shepherded” by Sandy has made its way into the hallowed Hawley Blog halls. More of a heads up than a teary-eyed “buy me now” plea of desperation, the Blog thought it would be good to inform the unwashed yet not-so-uncouth (but still unwashed and potential State Fair [...]

661 is a beloved vendor of the Hawley Company. Sandy (661 purchaser/Schnauzer browser) has a small reflecting pool in her cubicle shaped like the 661 logo full of belly-distended carp and pennies flicked from the fingers of outside reps buttressing their sales luck. It is said that the pool was constructed as a WPA project [...]

… of snow in the dirty, dirty South. A freak flurry flustered fanatical fancy-folk to the point of outrageous behavior and unsavory thoughts. Hmmmm, candy corn WOULD be good for dinner tonight! The Blog offers this picture of snow flakes trying to mate with the Hawley sign: The Hawley parking lot adrift in soft, white [...]