Two paddles, one ball, a table and a dream… THIS IS STREET PONG. Just kidding, this is actually the first annual “Quest For the Golden Paddle” ping pong tournament in the Hawley warehouse. Double elimination will determine the baddest paddle handler on the planet (that is contained within the confines of Hawley’s warehouse). Represented are the IT, Shipping, Receiving, Purchasing, Accounting and Sales Departments in addition to El Hefe himself (Steve Hawley, reprising Gene Hackman’s role in “The Quick and the Dead”). The bookmakers are leaning towards James (Receiving) and his condor-esque wingspan (7 feet) and catatonic table manners but Bloggy likes Richard (Shipping) as a potential darkhorse. He’s small and compact but has tremendous power and wears unusual tank tops.

Tournament rules are a must. Notice the Brantley/Comley exception clause. CLASSIC!

Teenwolf versus AJ in a preliminary match. Teenwolf won, but AJ said he felt woozy from a rattlesnake bite he sustained at lunch. That kid’s got moxy!

Ivan versus Richard. Somebody buy these guys something with freaking sleeves.

This week’s canine guest of honor is Leo. He’s a Catahoula Hound, devoted family man and avid parasailer.  Julie calls him Leo the Leopard Dog and much like actual leopards, he’s extremely wary of offices, hence the under-the-desk behavior. Needless to say, Leo has been a good officemate today and I look forward to buying him a beer at happy hour. Have a frank and productive weekend.

Katherine demanded her kneecaps be pixelated. I assume she is in witness protection or some reasonable facsimile.

Patrick pointed out to Bloggy this morning that our very own Jeremy Holdway (customer service, Sparks, NV) won the Victory Velo Racing masters 35+ 1,2,3 crit in Auburn, CA. The 35+ race is basically ex-pro/sandbagger heaven, especially in CA so we’re extra proud of our very own sandbagger. Hold on. Jeremy is no sandbagger but I remember Anthony calling him sort of bagger. Oh well, I’m sure it’ll come to me. Here’s a photo of Jeremy (scandalously ripped off from the Facebooks) giving the always classy one armed, Baldassare Castiglione wave of contempt to the unwashed masses…

To celebrate Jeremy’s win that we knew nothing about, Matt (customer service). Chuck (purchasing), Jose (chest hair) and Bloggy decided to drink beer and listen to our friends from Regions Bank spiel about their bicycle friendliness at Handlebar Happy Hour. I think the Region’s Bank rep was named Helen. She told us she was seeing the eye doctor today. She was also wearing a nice watch.

Look, it’s Justin Bristol’s head!

I don’t understand track bike criteriums but I understand the need to see extremely gnarly wrecks. I assume that was the thinking behind the first Redhook crit September 7, 1878). Since it’s inception, the Redhook Criterium has turned souless road racing into a Darwinian melee that’s one part Death Race 2000 (the ’75 version) and one part Thunderdome (the only version). The field gets bigger each year while the crowds get bloodthirstier. Oh well, that’s Brooklyn for ya:

By the way, our local readers need to clear space on their calendars for tomorrow evening’s Handlebar Happy Hour. Complimentary baklava and the ritual sacrifice of a small child start the evening off followed by a keynote address from the good people of Regions Bank. The evening concludes with fire, and plenty of it. Bring your party pants this will be a good ‘un!

Product Manager Brian brought his dog Ivy into work today. Unlike previous guests, Ivy was running full throttle thanks to Jose feeding her Reese’s Pieces (Hey Brian, Jose has been feeding your dog candy all day: D-I-A-R-R-H-E-A). She’s a super-friendly dog but also an aero-wonder. Check out the radar dishes on her head. She’s a four-legged NSA spying machine. Have a frank and productive weekend…

 

Today we had a giant cookout to celebrate the impending retirement of an industry legend: Sandy Emanuel! 19 years at Hawley spent in the trenches dealing with industry heavyweights like Thule, Yakima and Honka Hoota. You remember Honka Hoota don’t you? Sandy crushed them. Anyway, Sandy has been an inspiration to Bloggy and everybody else at work and we’re all going to miss her. I wish I had some poignant line of poetry to offer on this bittersweet occasion, but all I have is this nugget from the legend herself: “Cut the fluff or land the plane!” Hear, hear…

Ex-Hawleyite Adam hipped Bloggy to a friendly shout-out to Hawley via All Hail The Black Market. Ahem:

Of course I can’t neglect to mention that before Adam launched KindHuman, he was in thick with Hawley USA, which is a bike parts distributor, ala QBP. If by chance you work in a shop, or are in a position to open an account with them for whatever reason, I encourage you to do so, because it’s run by great people, they offer amazing service, have a huge selection, but most importantly, isn’t QBP.

QBP pseudo-bashing aside, we appreciate the kind words! In other news, Fort Jackson in Columbia has been a bike-friendly, traffic-free place to ride for a long time. Show your love for Fort Jackson and the FMWR; take part in their upcoming Gran Fondo Fun Race! Relevant details below:

AJ (IT minion, scratch ping pong player) brought in his dog Rocket today. Rocket has brown eyebrows so that already gives him a leg up on the competition. So emotive, literally tugs at Bloggy’s heartstrings. He’s got a little Rottweiler in ‘im so he’s also got that “Omen”, hellhound guardian of the Antichrist thing going on as well! Chapeau AJ!

Oh yeah, there’s also this cyclocross nonsense sent by Eric at Cane Creek. Total yawnfest but Eric thought it was the greatest thing ever. This is the same guy who thinks Kings of Leon are better than Black Flag!?! Have a frank and productive weekend…

OK, let’s get this over before it descends into another Asheville rant. The good folks of Henderson Country Parks and Rec in conjunction with Hawley dealer Sycamore Cycles (The Cradle of Wes Dickson) are running a “proper” short track series this summer starting on June 5 (that’s right, the same date in 1977 that saw Alice Cooper’s pet boa constrictor bitten by a rat it was trying to eat, THEN DIE. This is a true story and perhaps the most important day in rat history). Short track is what cyclocross wishes it was, but will never be. Acquaint thyselves with the following flyer. Attendance is mandatory.

Greetings gentle reader. We trust you had a restful and hopefully extended Memorial Day weekend. Bloggy intended to sneak in a short ride around the neighborhood but a gas grill mishap and a scorched crater 70 yards in diameter put an end to any hopes of frivolity. However, Hawley’s very own Joshie (graphics fossil) did his first cyclocross race of the year. Yeah I know, absurd to have cross this early but you know how Asheville is (collective eyeroll). If it’s not stoning people to death because they bought non-organic vegetables or banishing somebody for not getting the right roof rack for their Subaru Outback, it’s some other form of cool factor intolerance. That being said, Joshie said he had fun racing until his shifter decided to stop working after a jaunt through the sandtrap. Compound that with being nipped at the line by local Justin Bristol and you have an irritated Joshie…

Ugh, typical leftists; always raisin’ taxes!