Greetings From Sparks, Nevada

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A lot of folks might not realize this, but we have a pretty awesome crew working in our west coast mothership (in bucolic Sparks, NV). They’re all veterans of the shipping logistics world and do a pretty awesome job keeping our shops west of the Mississippi fully stocked. Unbeknownst to them, our  product video cro-mag Kevin flew to Reno over the weekend to shoot our new line of EVO bikes in the confines of our Sparks warehouse! Anthony K. had to issue a “no brutal face slappings” warning at Monday morning’s meeting since Kevin would be running around the warehouse making a general nuisance of himself to everybody. After 24 hours, a visibly shaken and malnourished Kevin reported he was bruise-free and had befriended everyone despite his best efforts otherwise. After Kevin is done this week with this massive EVO project, you’ll soon get to experience EVO bikes in any and all creative forms; print, video, interpretive dance, theremin, etc. Bloggy’s collection of EVO haikus comes out next friday (as soon as I can get my sorry self to Kinko’s). “A fat bike cruiser, ridden by pantsless Jose, Vomit … everywhere”

From left to right: Il Professore, Ole Smiley, Ole Lefty, Lil’ Jumbo, Nas, JL The Ambassador of Love, Doctor Pinchy, Colonel Anthony Kordonowy, The Man With Tape Guns for Hands, Flaming Bag of Integrity, Hider the One Who Hides, Cromnor of the 23rd Dimension But Only On Tuesdays, E-Bowla The Gutterball Master, Phantom Pants, Lacivious Larry and his Bed Bug Circus:

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Kevin had to make sense of this:

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Now we have to make sense of this:

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Current Trends in Wheel Packaging: Update!

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If you’ve been following this blog, you’ll know we’re on part 12 of our ongoing look at changing patterns in wheel packaging for the cycling industry. While most companies use the tried and true method of 1) box with 2) plastic discs on the end of each axle, a few have branched out with innovations such as stiffer plastic discs and an extra piece of cardboard on the top and bottom of the box (Zipp pioneered this breakthrough and has since become an industry standard for higher end wheels). Well, we’d thought we’d reached the ceiling for wheel packaging but our newest vendor, EASTON, has reinvented the wheel (box) so to speak with their lateral stabilization platform system. It’s really quite brilliant. Instead of two pieces of cardboard on the antipodal ends of the wheel box, cardboard sleeves are used on the side with the wheel being slotted in. When the pieces are pressed into the box (with wheel engaged), they are tensioned just enough to keep the wheels firmly in place while making the overall integrity of the box stiffer, thus more protection for the wheels on their perilous journey from production to distribution to shop. Sadly, by the time these wheels make it to a showroom floor, the average consumer is blissfully unaware of the engineering marvel that ensured a safe journey. Join us for part 13 next month, embrocation lid advancements and concurrent trends in the rise of the South African Rand (ZAR) and its decreasing custodial role in the African gold market.

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Interbike Set-Up, VIP Night!

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I have no idea what’s going on in any of these photos but Kevin sent them to Bloggy and said they were most definitely Interbike-related. A few snaps of booth setup and a few snaps of our Hawley crew partying with the Cycles Lambert crew and various VIPs. Enjoy!

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Christian Heule sighting!

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A few snaps of folks enjoying libations and quality conversation at our VIP night…

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Somewhere at Interbike, our chief financial officer steams an EVO banner…

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Outside rep Hollywood Hale reps the Look look…

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Meanwhile at the mothership, love springs eternal…

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Have a frank and productive weekend. Photo credits: Teddy, Patrick, Dylan

Pilfering El Hefe, Interbike Snaps

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Behold, via Steve Hawley, the creation of our megalithic Interbike booth from soup to nuts in a couple of days! Also behold a few other random snaps sent to me by various employees. Well, mostly Matt Tag (customer service) as his job denotes, would be in the greatest personal danger so constantly documenting his whereabouts and condition would make it easier for the police to solve his imminent abduction and subsequent ransom (worst case scenario: in case of dismemberment, we can match body parts to photo body parts). To quote our outside sales manager Ian Cross, “We’ve never paid for a customer service manager’s ransom without authenticated proof of life. Sure, we’ve gone through customer service managers like Kleenex but them’s the rules ya’ll. Proof of life or no cash.”….

Jose inexplicably posted this photo of his flight because what’s more interesting than the inside of a plane? Is that an improvised trash bag hanging off a doorknob? DISGUSTING.

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Matt Tag and Charles carry some of our EVO bikes to the showroom floor. Obviously nobody got the Augustine Memorandum: collared shirts must be worn at all times. Scumbags.

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The Hawley-Lambert sign above our booth weighs 49 tons and was designed by famed artist Christo. It is for sale after the show for 700,000 dollars. But you won’t buy it you art hating cheapskate.

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Look at product manager Matt (far right)! Aimlessly wandering around without a care in the world. But oh Matt, your halcyon days will soon come to an end when you come back to the mothership and discover your Confederared Calipari travelers checks are WORTHLESS!

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Completed Hawley-Lambert booth with people and automatons standing in various poses of discursiveness and ennui. Wait a sec, we’re carrying a cargo trike? Hot corn!

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Our good buddies at Fuelbelt win the award for “Retina Searing Colorsplosion”

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Our friends at Campagnolo (the G is silent) came in second in the Retina Searing Colorsplosion with their Giro-winning, Quintana-ridden Canyon bike…

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Protein.

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More Protein.

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Pre-Interbike Mayhem

Product Manager John D. is all packed up and ready for Interbike with the most ostentatious luggage on the planet!

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Don’t let the title of this blog post fool you. Truth be told, the usual amount of pre-Interbike mayhem has been kept to a minimum this year. The ritual sacrifices, the self-immolations, the endless games of ping pong have kept everyone relatively subdued. If you’re going to Interbike, Hawley will be sharing a booth with our brothers from another mother(land), Lambert. Ogio, Northwave, Catlike and EVO Bikes will also be snuggled up in our corporate hidey hole. We’ll also have some special promotions and events during the week to pique our dealers’ interest (“Personally Shame an Outside Sales Rep” and “What’s in Teddy’s Colon?” should be big hits this year). So if you’re in Vegas or trying to escape it, swing by booth #11063 and introduce yourself! On an unrelated note, inside sales goon JT sent Bloggy this bizarro instance of bicycle industry doppelgangery! Which one is our beloved Tony Stone and which one is from a shop JT knows?

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(late edit. Bloggy realized after publication that Tony Stone’s doppelganger should be  called Tony Clone)

Lunch Ride Rumination

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A few years ago, Bloggy ran a fansite called “The Fog of Worf”. It was an amalgam of Star Trek the Next Generation episode recaps and in-depth discussions pertaining to the Nash Equilibrium and Cold War strategies (as they were applicable to Star Trek the Next Generation episodes in which Worf played a significant role, which was approximately six episodes). After approximately 789 posts and a total of 8000+ hours of blogging, “The Fog of Worf” folded up shop in august of 2009 with a total of 11 visits and 2 members (Myself and a man sentenced to death row in Oklahoma whose only post was “I did not get my spaghetti O’s, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this”). If the preceding sentences were true, I would be the saddest blogger alive. Luckily, it is completely false and I am of this post still content if not somewhat hungry. However, the the spectre of sadness is always around us, even in the most mundane activities, like a lunch ride (or blogging about Robert McNamara and Worf’s eerily similar hair styles). Picture it in your internet-pornography-filled mind: There I was, minding my own business when some sort of Lilliputian railroad spike jumped from the tarmac and penetrated my beloved Michelin Lithion. It was totally crappy. But wait, there’s more crappiness. Said spike not only violated my Lithion in a most violent manner, but also had the audacity to sink itself even further into my rim tape AND THE RIM ITSELF! Distraught, I slow-rolled/walked the bike back to the office and displayed the vulcanized injury to my fellow coworkers. Everybody was aghast yet KEVIN refused to change the flat for me, even when I offered him money and fabulous prizes. I threw the bike down and went to shower room 2-B to sob myself to sleep. This post has been a bit, umm, schizophrenic, so I’d just like to say in closing that when Kevin leaves for Asheville today, I’m setting his desk on fire.

This is where people come to practice cyclocross and ride horses… SIMULTANEOUSLY.

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Look at this bastard. Gonna need some birthin’ forceps, a quart of rot gut and a whole lotta elbow grease to pop this sucker out!

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